Wednesday, December 16, 2009

The Teleporto-Matic!

In there year 2100 the age of planes, trains and automobiles will be of the past. Instead of waiting in traffic, getting hit by a reckless driver or having to suffer jet lag after sitting on a 21 hour flight from your home to an exotic location. You can just jump on you local Teleporto-Matic! Instantly no excuse for not being able to afford the flight or not having the time to visit distant relatives. Just jump on the transport pad at the docking station and be particalized to you're next destination! Sounds exciting? Let me tell you more!

Want to see a show on Broadway but live in Albuquerque? Just use your Teleporto-Matic pass and you're off! Want to see India on a sunny afternoon? NO PROBLEM! Get you're international Teleporto-Matic pass and you are on you're way! You're Aunt Themla in Poughkeepsie won't ever be lonely on a Tuesday afternoon ever again! Thanks to the trusty and safe Teleporto-Matic! You can hop on over and take her to the early bird special at the New Bob Evan's restaurant! No excuse too little or too big! You'll never be late for work, doctors appointment or tax evasion. Never again will you have an excuse for going to your cousin Edna's fourth wedding or attending cousin Jimmy's ear screeching vilo-cello recital. Looking for a parking space at the mall will be something of the past! Just jump into the Teleporto-Matic and you're there!
Teleporto-Matic process works easily. You step on to the teleoport pad. Wave your pass in front of the sensor. You will then be prompt by the vocal assistant to where you would live to travel. Clearly state the desired address or city. Then sit tight! The particalizer beam will shoot down and rearrange you DNA make up. You are now made into thousands of little atoms and protons! Next you are sucked up into a giant vacuum and sent to your new location . Once there our sophisticated technology will put you back together good as new! I doesn't really hurt at all!
Thanks to this jiffy new way of transportation iEarth (now owned by Steve Jobs clone) has worked toward a healthier state of living! No more holes in our ozone! No more drilling for oil. No more smoggy cities! All blue skies from here! Plus with iEarth's protec-o shield no more do we have to worry about those pesky space aliens abducting our cows and migrant farm workers!

The Teleporto-Matic is the keen new wave for the future! Don't be square! Be there!

Disclaimer: The Teleporto-Matic is not responsible for misplaced limbs, third eyes or other body part mergers. Might cause nose bleeds, exploding aneurysm, brain cancer, imploded lungs, the black lung, no lungs or football sized tumors. You cannot use the Teleporto-Matic unless you sign our extensive 300 page disclaimer. Teleporto-Matic can only be used by one person at a time. Not responsible for inaccurate GPS positioning. Sunspots will cause misplacement of some or all persons. Not advisable for pregnant women to use Teleporto-Matic.


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